Five Ways Your Facebook Profile Ruined Our Chances

Geplaatst op 11-12-2025

I’m superficial. There is no use in even lying about it. I care about how a girl looks, how she talks, what kind of place she lives in; the list is endless. I know none of it really matters at all, has no connection to what’s truly important, but first impressions are also important to me. They’re important to everybody, so it is why we remain sticklers for the surface level stuff.

Outside of personal interaction, no place helps us gauge the superficial qualities of a person more than Facebook. We get to see photos, their favorite quotes, television shows, and maybe, if they’re frequent status updaters, their wit. Facebook, for me, has kind of become the Cliff Notes to a woman and I’m not even going to lie, sometimes, these Cliff Notes are so good, I want to read more. But sometimes, every once in a while, I come up on a woman’s profile that makes me want to pass on getting to know her beyond her page. These are the five reasons why:

MUTUAL FRIENDS

If we have 10 or more mutual friends, I have to scroll the list to make sure none of them will conflict. If we have no mutual friends, we’re in the clear, but I’m hesitant because now I can’t get a background check. If we have one mutual friend, and that person just happens to be either one of my best friends, or a girl I used to have relations with, chances are, we’re not going to be more than Facebook friends.

SHE HAS NOTHING BUT SMALL PROFILE PICS

Let’s say we met at a very dark or poorly lit spot, and I didn’t get a good chance to see her. The next day, I friend her in hopes of making a more complete evaluation. She confirms. I click on her name and what do I see? All her profile pics are the size of a driver’s license photo. If I wanted to use small pics to evaluate a woman, I’d of followed her on Twitter.

HER PERSONAL QUOTES ARE ALL BY JAY-Z OR BEYONCÉ

Most of us do it in casual conversation. Men quote Jay-Z (never Beyoncé), women quote him and his wife. There’s nothing wrong with this. But if “If you liked her then you should’ve put a ring on it” is a life motto, a personal quote she lives by, I already know what to do. On to the next one.

ALL HER PICS ARE GOOFY FACES

Look, I know pictures should show personality. I appreciate a goofy, quirky, off-beat picture just as much as the next person, but ladies please, mix in some of those pretty pictures too. The ones Mom likes. Why? Because I’m trying to show my boys the girl whose number I got last night, and it’s embarrassing when he says, “So it’s this girl with the tongue sticking out making her eyes-crossed?”

SHE ALWAYS LOL’s HER OWN STATUS UPDATES

Girl, please let the people decide whether or not your status update was funny because half the time their not. It makes me wish Facebook would develop a “Not Funny” button so under the status it can read: Jozen Cummings thinks this is not funny.